Fighting over white sand worth its weight in gold with other tourists, locals looking to scam you out of your hard earned cash that you’ve had to convert into their currency at unreasonable exchange rates – the holidays can be such a fun time.
What if I told you there was a tropical paradise with friendly locals, minimum amount of residents from back home (I mean we took this damn holiday to get away from them right?) and plenty of beach space and boat adventures for everyone.
“You’re an insane drunk!” you’d say.
I am not crazy my friend.
The island of Palawan is a hidden Shangri-La of mountainous ranges, stunning beaches and awe-inspiring adventures. It’s not without its quirks of course, so here’s a breakdown on what to expect when visiting the hottest spots in this haven for the tourist-tired traveler.
Going-out-of-business sale cheapness
Flashes on a trip where you went crazy, ordered a few rounds of drinks and washed it down with a couple platters of foods with friends, saw the bill, and wanted to order a whole round again because the cost was covered by the coin change in your wallet / purse?
Palawan is plentiful in these delicious moments; food, accommodation, transport, activities, ALCOHOL – all extravagantly cheap.
Everything is super beautiful
It’s the kind of place where you almost become numb to any previous concept of beauty because you are constantly being surrounded by towering mountains, emerald forests, white sand beaches and clear blue waters that look like they were freshly chlorinated earlier that day.
For New Year’s Eve I was on an island snorkelling around when I looked up to a blazing orange sunset streaked with lavender stripes and a double freaking rainbow while a light misting rain fell over it all. I basically cried and almost drowned myself from the sheer beauty of it all. They should put warning labels on those snorkels that crying even above water while wearing the gear will make it difficult to breath and that you should take it off for the duration of your moment.
Friendliest children this side of the globe
I’m not sure if it’s in their genetics or if the parents are threatening them with a wooden spoon to be lovable at all times; but the children on these islands are the most adorable munchkins I’ve come across in all my travels. They stare without trepidation and wave to you as if you were their favourite auntie or uncle coming for a visit, even though you’re passing them by in the local Tuk-Tuk (the backbone of the Philippine islands economy).
And I know what a couple of you jaded travellers are thinking: “they’re just being cute so you’ll give them money.”
And I understand the sentiment as there are a number of countries all over the world that do indulge in this practice, but I can honestly say I was not cajoled for money once by them (maybe I was super oblivious) and in all the interactions, whether it was being sung carols on Christmas as we passed by, or waved at and being greeted “Hiiiiiiiii”, they always ran away laughing before we could even reply back. My heart was a melted puddle of maternal love by the time we left. It’s a pity most of them weigh over 15kgs and so won’t be allowed in your checked in luggage, but you get points from the security team in the Manila airport for trying.
Running out of food or alcohol is normal and not cause for concern
We had this running joke while down in El Nido about the one local store that advertised every single say “All you can eat Sushi for 500 PHP!” (roughly just under 10 dollars) but every day for three days in a row we came to try it out they were out of some vital ingredient. First it was fish, and then it was some variation of a sauce and finally it was a word that we believed was made up (probably meant fuck off in Tagalog) so we would go away…like it was all some sick joke to them.
But it is totally normal to rock up at a bar or restaurant and have the establishment tell us they don’t have certain ingredients that evening and they aren’t sure when more will come in. Everything they need on that island is brought in via ferries so during Typhoon season (which was the time of year we decided it was wise to visit) a lot of supplies and shipments were delayed, resulting in you becoming very creative to make dishes you needed. Anywhere else in the world this supply delay would have seemed a deal breaker as any business would just not function for days on end, but here in the Palawan islands it was a casual work hazard. We learned to covet our favourite cocktails very closely after that and we may have been the actual cause of a few places running out of vodka and gin…but we drunkenly told ourselves we were being ingenious.
Money in the ATMS is a privilege not a right
It was a fateful morning we walked to the nearest ATM to withdraw some more cash after a night out on the town only to discover it had zero moolah in it…as well as the next one and then the one after that. For three days we had to rely on the one friend who actually had some cash left to pay for transport everywhere and our survival was dependant on hunting…
…for restaurants and bars that accepted card, which was few and far in-between.
The lesson I learned from those days?
- Always withdraw way more cash than you need.
- Withdraw an ungodly amount at least three days before New Year’s, because after that it becomes the Hunger Games.
- If you find a restaurant with good Wi-Fi and card facilities then that is your new Homebase of operations for the duration of your stay, bookmark it in your mind because it’s rare you’ll find another.
Typhoons are not the worst thing in the world
As mentioned above, Typhoons are an occupational hazard that can disrupt your well made plans to travel or order a decent mojito, but they aren’t the end of the world. It’s a bit of rain, but not enough to flood the place and most people go about their lives with only an added umbrella to their attire. Its warm rain and its heavy at times, but you’ll learn to cope.
A Typhoon managed to cancel our ferry back to Coron causing us to miss our first fight back to Manila, so we did the adult thing; got plenty of alcohol into our systems – headed back to Homebase (Wi-Fi restaurant mentioned above) and organised a shuttle bus that was a 6 hour road trip to Puerto Princessa. It was fun seeing more of the country side and exploring a bit more of the culture instead of freaking out about plans not going to schedule. Be like the country-side Rivers during a Typhoon and go along with the flow.
Distinct lack of anything that will kill you…except perhaps the seafood
Most tropical islands have a price to go along with those stunning beach sides and exotic forests; lots of poisonous critters looking to take a nice chunk out of you and really mess up those fun plans with a side-trip to the hospital.
Those critters have not yet heard about the Philippines. The most apex predator we ran into was a Komodo Dragon on a beach we saw from a party boat off shore.
Okay so it was ambling sort of towards the direction my friend was sitting down to take a breather after snorkelling for a bit…but he saw our frantic shouts and dramatic charade gestures in time and swam back to us without any harm. Apart from THAT, zero worries about the animals at all, you can swim and snorkel around without worrying about hungry sharks or long-armed jellyfish looking for a hug.
The only time I dealt with fearing for my life was after a tiny bout of food poisoning that lasted a measly six hours. Even today I’m not 100% sure it was food poisoning since that day I shared only platters with my companions and we had all the same dishes. But it’s hard to think what else projectile vomiting and searing stomach cramps could be. Regardless, later that day I was back to my happy self and ordering a delicious plate of chili cheese sticks much to the incredulity of my fellow travelers.
You’re going to Palawan Island miss it hours after you’ve left
My last few days in the Philippines were spent trying to get back on home on overcrowded flights, finding any hotel that had space left and trying to work all this out with a phone that had become waterlogged and useless due to an unfortunately timed downpour and a cracked screen. Topping it all off with the ticket lady being unable to find my name on the flight and telling me I needed to wait another 24 hours resulted in me nearly breaking down into manly sobs on the airport floor while curled into a very masculine ball. Luckily the issue was resolved and I made my flight. While sitting in my crowded economy seat that would be my reality for the next eight hours, I felt a surprisingly strong urge to cry at the thought that my holiday in the Philippines that I had been planning for the better part of a year was over and that cruel reality was due to set in any second.
Maybe this country is devoid of any real predators, but the people and its children can sure burrow into your heart deeper than any parasite…and I do mean that in the sweetest possible way.
And so until I see you again Palawan, Salamat Po!
