5 ways to win the hearts of Flight Attendants

With those short skirts, tight shirts and beckoning eyes that just scream “Chicken or Beef?” – flight attendants can make all our hearts line up to the runway for take-off and our stomachs feel like they’re going through severe turbulence.

Have you had your eye on that Trolley Dolly who handed you a refreshing towel at the beginning of the flight and whom you could swear was being a filthy flirt when they ordered you to fasten your seat belt? Maybe you’re wondering if they have any plans for the duration of their layover while you’re both down in the Maldives for the week. Well, let me tell you a few secrets about our flighty little sky-vixens that will make them putty in your freshly-washed-lavender-scented hands. These tips and tricks are basically guaranteed to get you bumped up to the business class lounge area of a Flight Attendant’s heart.

---

Ask for what you want respectfully

 

Damn we do love our respect.

So when someone yells out, “Water NOW” while snapping their fingers at some imaginary disobedient dog that’s behind me I can easily overcome the urge to snap my heels together and respond “Yes sir!” and leap over other passengers and fellow crew to grab the nearest water bottle.

 

Instead I’ll respond with a professional smile and nod and casually stroll over to inspect the back of the plane to make sure the counters are clean in the kitchen for a good number of minutes before walking past you again with a shocked expression exclaiming “I am so sorry I completely forgot!” as I head to the front of the plane to have a quick catch-up gossip session with the pilots before nonchalantly grabbing a tray with a glass of water for you.

 

If you need something and ask me in a way that shows you recognize I understand more than the words “fetch” and “roll over” then I’m yours for the flight baby.

 

Realise that I have more duties than simply tea or coffee

I know it seems like our only job on board is to bring you as much food and drink as possible while being the ideal eye candy so you can write off that expensive flight as an extravagant night out but you see there are a few key differences between me and the maître d’ at your favourite restaurant; my main concern is getting you from point A to point B safely and not to ensure the signature dish made you experience a whole new Nirvana of taste.

 

Top quality service is a goal of ours but when I’m running to and fro between the doors of the plane and talking to colleagues with armfuls of random papers it is to make sure all security checks are in place so we can leave the ground in a safe and timely manner. So if I don’t immediately respond to your call for another pillow or blanket it’s not because I’m heading to the back for a quick smoke break and can’t be bothered, I just have a pressing matter that could possibly mean life or death for everyone on board and more importantly; my job would be at stake.

 

We will get back to you as soon as possible, but in the meantime rest easy knowing we take our jobs seriously in regards to your well-being and will not be putting an order of a double whiskey above the welfare of everyone on board our flight today – that being said though would you like ice with that?

If I ask you do to do something, assume it is indeed for your best interests and not for my entertainment.

I know traveling can be a stressful time for you so I understand the frustration when you’ve settled in comfortably and begin day dreaming about that gin and tonic you plan to have with dinner when those deplorable flight attendants request you to change your seat – how very dare they?

 

They dare… because they care.

 

Part of the training for this job is two months of safety measurements on board which including firefighting, first aid and an intensive study of previous airplane disasters and what could have been done to prevent them. We take this seriously and so we have a number of procedures in place to ensure maximum chance of survival for everyone in the very unlikely event something does go wrong. If you haven’t been trained in these matters then some of the rules can seem quite bizarre – moving you to a different seat, asking you to take your laptop off the tray table since we’re landing soon, please put your shoes on for this part of the flight etc. etc.

 

It can be annoying when all you want to do is relax, I fully understand that, but please know that everything we do is for your well-being and is done because in a previous aircraft accident this procedure might have saved a couple of lives.

 

So the next time your bag is requested to be moved to a different location, please assume we do know what we’re doing and we aren’t just bored and having a giggle at you from the airplane galley.

Do not mistake the aircraft for a flying restaurant

“I don’t really like the items on the menu here; I’m really in the mood for a nice fish dish with rice.”

 

“Done and done, just let me pull that from my ass.”

 

I have had people ask for something alternative on-board before, thinking that we had a whole pantry just out of sight. If you have dietary requirements then you can request for a special meal (which most airlines will allow you to do as long as it’s more than 24 hours before the flight), otherwise you’re just going to have adult up and eat what’s in front of you. And if we run out of your first choice dish then I am terribly sorry but we can’t make more of it out of thin air and wishes.

 

Accept that life has its disappointments and have another drink darling; it’s on me.

Remember than beneath the uniform I am a human being too

We have also just flown the exact same endless flight as you – we also got bored and nauseous from the three hour long turbulence and we didn’t have movies and alcohol to help us get through it.

When you yell at a flight attendant who got your drink order wrong, it’s not because they were programmed badly by their masters, they just happened to be a person who is a little burnt out from running around for ten hours straight and have many requests to complete while still having to investigate a mystery smell that’s coming from the end of the plane that you are blissfully unaware of. Our bodies do run out of fuel and we can blunders that result in us heading home at the end of the day feeling like the bottom of the coffee pot and collapsing atop the bed in uniform.

 

Look at our faces at the end of a long flight – past the smiling eyes and cosmetically whitened teeth and you’ll see signs of strain and exhaustion very similar to what you feel at the end of a very long and busy shift where everything went wrong.

So a little bit of empathy would be the most effective aphrodisiac you could ever offer.

---

 

 

Now that I’m done giving away company secrets to what gets our landing gears grinding, simply follow all the guidelines stated clearly above, and you’ll be enjoying a delightful date with a scrumptious sky server before they have time to yell at you to sit down because the plane is about to land and you’ve had seven hours to use the bloody bathroom and it’s too late now.

 

 

Wondering if you would love to join the high flying world of a flight attendant? Check out the Pros and Cons to living the high life.