Damn those sexy slim Cabin Crew! How do they beat the twin evils of in-flight bloating and airplane fare made from the love child of carbs and calories – all while looking like they’re fending off Victoria Secret runway contracts in their tight, teasing outfits? Do they dash to the bathrooms between services for a good finger-throat dance? Treadmill on the aisles?
Actually, their Victorian secret is;
They take care of themselves.
Shock. Horror – they know how important health on the go can be.
Especially so when you’re hanging out hundreds of kilometres above the ground; it’s such a bore to knock over a customer’s tray with your gut. Or making a tit out of yourself with an ill-timed heart attack.
Pre-flight Preparations
You know what they say; Abs are made just before that mad dash to the airport.
Certain types of meals can be prepared beforehand to be taken on board, as long as you carefully follow the guidelines of the airport and the country you’re travelling to.
The biggest issues you’ll have when going through customs and getting your food confiscated is the following:
· Food is not properly packaged or wrapped up
· Food contains liquid ingredients that might make customs believe you are trying to smuggle on board more than the allowed amount.
· Food may be full of airborne allergens which are dangerous for those travelling with deadly food allergies.
· Food contains products specifically forbidden in the onward destination.
As long as we make sure these rules are adhered to, you should have zero hassle.
Click here for a few examples of recipes you can make that should pass any customs area.
Bring herbs and condiments that facilitate weight loss and curb appetite
You might notice that Crew onboard often have their own water bottle filled with various greenery, lemon slices and other goodies. This isn’t just because they’re bourgeois b*tches who think they’re above regular Evian water – it’s a health trick.
Here are a few things you can bring in tiny amounts onboard (I wouldn’t bring more than 25ml of these in case of restrictions):
– Lemon slices (otherwise there will be some onboard available most flights – especially international ones)
– Mint leaves
– Chia seeds (check country restrictions on seeds)
Don’t bring these in a big bottle of water! You remember the no liquids over 100ml right? But if you bring these ready-to-go-health-packages in a large empty water bottle you can ask the Crew onboard to fill it up – but puh-lease don’t bring the largest bottle you can get your hands on; the Crew can’t give whole litre bottles away! But they will be happy to give refills throughout the flight for a 3/4 litre bottle.
Spices and herbs that you can add to your already made meals to help curb hunger pains:
- Fenugreek
- Cayenne Pepper
- Ginger
- Oregano
- Ginseng
- Turmeric
- Black Pepper
And faster than you can press that call bell for another Gin and Tonic, you’ll be adjusting your seatbelt to a tighter setting.
Activities to do onboard to maintain that waistline
Right, we have our packed food, we have our health potions, we are onboard and maybe crammed like a pack of sardines. Which is alright because sardines are slim? They seem happy?
Wrong. they are packed full of sodium and we are lithe hunting sharks.
And what do sharks do every day all day of their lives? They exercise damn it, that’s what lithe slim hunting sharks do.
Some exercises that you can actually do onboard
Most planes don’t carry a squat rack or barbell onboard the flight, and we aren’t exactly looking to work up a stinky sweat here – there are other passengers to consider in our quest for a fit bod.
But there are exercises you can do in the comfort of your own seat or within spacious areas on board the airplane, depending on the aircraft type. In this case, there’s usually an open area near the doors of larger aircraft, however, make sure you do not sit or lie down in this area as this is explicitly forbidden.
But a casual standing stretch or walk by is perfectly reasonable. Otherwise, check the bathrooms for available space.
Seated exercises:
Calf Raises: While sitting in your seat, casually angle your legs at a comfortable 90-degree angle. Raise your heels off the floor to the tip of your toes and lower again. That’s one rep.
To add resistance, try this while standing and holding on to the bulkhead or a nearby available seat. Go for 10-15 reps.
Shoulder Rolls: Sit comfortably with your aims parallel to your sides. Slowly roll your shoulders in a forward motion 5 – 10 times. Reverse the motion and repeat another 5 – 10 reps.
Ankle Rolls: In a seated position, lift your feet off the ground. Rotate your feet at the ankles in a clockwise motion. Go for around 10-15 reps, then reverse the direction for the same number.
Standing exercises:
- Squats in the lavatory: This requires a bit of space, so I recommend doing this in the bathroom instead of the aisles. Face the door and bend your knees until your thighs are parallel to the ground, then stand up. Repeat 10 – 15 times.
- Walking: When you notice the seatbelt sign is fully off and the flight attendants are allowing everyone to move, take the opportunity to make patrols around the cabin at the very least every two hours, ideally every hour and a half. Raise the knees higher than usual to really get the blood pumping.
- Lunges: Let’s work on tightening that bum with some lunges up and down the (preferably empty) aisles.Step into a deep forward step, knee parallel to the floor and really feel your glutes during this. Go from one side of the plane to the other. Sit down and enjoy your new muscles adding that extra cushioning to your seat.
These exercises are also heavily recommended on long flights to reduce the risk of Deep Vein Thrombosis – a real nasty affliction one gets from sitting down too long and letting the blood pool around the leg veins…okay now that we have warmed up the muscles and tightened up our tushies, let’s get something to eat!
What to keep in mind when eating and drinking on board a flight:
– Look through the menu and avoid anything with curry, pasta or heavy sauce in it – these are far too loaded with waist-expanding calories and not worth the tears that come after you try on your summer outfit that was supposed to look cute this holiday.
– No Fruit juices! That’s just sugar-packed water, layered lovingly with some more sugar and marketed as “Healthy”. Spoiler alert – it’s not.
– Do you want to drink alcohol onboard? That’s fine, me too! I am not dealing with this eight-hour flight sober. But try to avoid wines – they’re fermented using sugars and while they may have other benefits for the body, weight loss is not one of them. Enjoy a vodka and lemon water with some artificial sweetener – almost zero calories! Same goes with Gin, or even a whiskey and ice water. It’s those damn mixers that lard us up and Sweeteners contain almost zero calories while still making the drinks bearable. So, knock ‘em back and enjoy the hot new bod that you’ve been fermenting quite nicely during this trip.
– Tea and coffee – choose green tea over black and sweetener over sugar. Family and friends back home will delete their Facebook in rage over your glistening bikini/speedo clad bodies in Seychelles (or the Ski Resorts in Austria – any excuse to show off that bod).
Supplements every crew has in their carry-on
Sometimes we need a few pills to keep our figures – but we also like to stay out of prison, so all these pills mentioned bellow are perfectly legal and allowed to carry onboard.
- Appetite suppression pills
- Biotin
- B2 complex pills
- Digestion pills
- Green powder mix
- Vitamin C
- Probiotics
Aftercare after a long flight
What you do after the flight is just as important, if not more so, than what you do before and during. Here are some stretches and warm downs to be done as soon as possible after the flight:
Side planking: Start in a standard plank position with your hands shoulder-width apart on the ground, and feet back, like if you were about to do a push-up. Turn to one side and extend the opposite hand towards the ceiling while using the other arm to support. After 15 seconds switch over to the other side.
Quad Stretch: Stand in an upright position. Standing balanced on your left leg, grab your right ankle and pull it towards your butt, keeping your knees together. Repeat on the other side.
The importance of stretching is not only to facilitate blood flow for muscles and weight control but again to alleviate any causes of Deep Vein Thrombosis which is the biggest problem you can experience from a long flight. Just another reason not to sit down the entire flight but to get up and get moving.
Apart from stretching and rolling you should also:
– Get in a decent night’s sleep
– Make sure you don’t swing between hot and cold temperatures too much in a short span of time
– Don’t overexert your body too quickly after a long flight
– Drink alcohol (yes I’m serious) or take an aspirin (but not together! That’s a very bad idea) as this thins the blood and allows easier flow. Not to be taken if you are already taking blood thinners or any medication that alcohol and aspirins would interfere with.
It would be a shame to make it so far and then have to deal with fatal consequences at the finish line.
And now that we have tight tummies, toned tushies and smooth clear skin, let’s really enjoy our holidays!
